I didn’t know what I was going to do. It was inevitable, I was heading for divorce and retail therapy was my copping mechanism . I had relied on my then-husband for financial stability. My then-husband was in the Coast Guard and brought home decent pay, and I worked as a teller for the local community bank in Virginia. I desperately wanted to stay in Virginia Beach. I loved it there and had some people I became close friends with, but the money I made at the bank wouldn’t sustain an apartment and other living expenses. Brokenhearted, I was forced to return home.
I drove for ten hours back to the same house, the same room I grew up in, talk about depression. I was full of sorrow, and tears never ceased to run down my face. Thoughts constantly ran through my mind. I often thought, how could this happen, and how did I end up in this position? I was at the lowest point in my life that I ever had been.
Realizing the End
I just knew we were heading for divorce. There was an emotional distance between us and our communication breakdown was apparent. I remember realizing when the marriage was over. I worked a lot to keep my mind off of things, and I mean a lot! With my downtime, I would go to the bookstore and read every self-help book I could find about saving a marriage (talk about pitiful). One day, I went to the bookstore and stared out the window with tears streaming down my face. I felt something break, and I knew I could not do it anymore. I had to let go and let God do whatever needed to be done.
Hot Mess Finances
My finances were a hot mess. Everything that my ex-husband and I purchased together was attached to my credit. The car, the computer, and everything that needed to be financed was in my name. I had better credit than he did, so at the time, it made sense for me to finance it (Major mistake). We divorced about a year later, and I returned to banking and returned to school to get a degree in accounting. However, I was straddled with debt, mine and his. When I left, I left with my clothes and my car, that’s it.
Staying with my parents allowed me the time to rebuild, reimagine and recreate myself. I was no longer a priority to him, and neither was paying the bills in my name on time. To cope with what I was going through, I began to seek therapy by shopping. At one time, I owned over 100 pairs of shoes and more clothes than one woman would ever need. It took my mind off of things. It took my mind off of me, off of my shattered life. I allowed myself to fall into the deep hole of consumer credit card debt.
I became addicted to using plastic, so much so that I owed over $20,000. Looking back, it was just plain stupid because it never really filled the gap I had in my heart. You see, my ex-husband was my first boyfriend. I had no other. The breakup was tough because I had never experienced a breakup before. My world crashed, and I used that plastic card to help me feel better by purchasing stuff for years. The funny thing is I had to keep buying stuff to feel better.
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