Divorce is devastating; there’s no gentle way to say it. It can place a physical and mental strain on your well-being. It can also place financial stress on your pockets. Recovering financially after a divorce can be an uphill battle, especially if you rely on your spouse for financial support. I know this too well. If you haven’t read my story, click here, here and here to learn about the nitty gritty of my divorce. I thought the divorce would ruin me. When I departed Virginia, I left with what I could fit in my little Honda Accord and nothing else, save a few dollars I had in the bank (very few). Those were uncertain times indeed.
Rearview Mirror
Looking back at it now, I learned valuable lessons on how to start over, not just with money but in other areas of my life. Outside of my cancer journey, that phase of my life was the most valuable in self-acceptance and character-building. The divorce experience taught me that I have what it takes to survive. It taught me that I am resourceful and can rely on myself for financial help. You, too, my friend, can recover financially after a divorce. You, too, are innovative and have the ability to thrive.
According to Creditcards.com, women’s household income fell by a whopping 41% after divorce! Can you imagine supporting yourself and your children with your household income nearly cut in half? As devastating as that may sound, there is hope for your situation.
It’s challenging to think of finances when your heart is breaking, and every day is a struggle to get out of bed. I’ve been there and know your pain, but as my father said, problems don’t disappear just because you ignore them. Now is the time to put your emotions aside and determine what is best for you financially. Do you need alimony to make the transition to single life smoother? What about child support to aid in the raising of children?
A clear mind will help you sift through what is essential and not necessary to maintain your life. Grab a notebook and brainstorm what you envision your life outside of marriage. Take the time to dream and imagine a new you.
Supporting Yourself Financially
If you were anything like d me, you would be shocked at the cost of living expenses. Before marriage, I lived with my parents. I worked but was never required to pay any bills or contribute to the household expenses, including the food I consumed (Thank the heavens for my parents). Upon marrying, my husband paid most of the bills, and I was responsible for cable and savings, not too much. Leaving the marital agreement meant finding a way to support me financially or live with my parents for the rest of my life, and for me, the latter was not an option. What could I do that would allow me to live independently in New England? Being a teller at the local bank just didn’t cut it, and I refused to work two or three jobs to make it.
I needed a plan, a concrete plan that would ensure financial success. You, too, need a concrete plan as you navigate the often muddy waters of financial independence. Ask yourself, ” Do I make enough money to live independently? If not, what can you do to increase your income? I decided to return to college to pursue a degree in accounting. Is getting a degree a path you should consider? If college is not for you, you can obtain a certification in a skilled area. Whatever you decide to embark on, get a plan and start working on your plan now.
Assess Your Support
Assessing your support may be the most crucial step in recovering financially after a divorce, but it is often overlooked. For most people, it is difficult to ask for financial assistance; at least, it was for me. I remember when the rent was due, and mysteriously the money to pay the rent had disappeared out of our joint checking account. I was panicked because we didn’t have any savings that I could dip into to cover the shortfall on the rent. We needed money, and we needed it immediately, so I had to turn to my father and ask for money. I’ve never asked my father for money since I started working at 19, and having to ask for money while being married seemed shameful, but I needed it and didn’t know anyone else to ask.
My father graciously supplied my need and then some, never asking for a penny back. I am so fortunate to have him in my life. The point of the whole backdrop is that you have to know who is in your corner as you travel the difficult path called divorce. You will need people in your corner who can lend a willing hand if and when you need it. Many agencies can assist you financially, such as your local SNAP agency, which can provide you and your family with money to purchase food. You can also try your local church food pantries. Your local Housing Authority can assist with emergency housing if you require accommodation. There are a lot of non-profits out there that can offer support. So don’t be shy; do a Google search to find local non-profits in your area.
Get On a Budget
Getting on a budget may seem obvious, but many people need help financially because they refuse to place themselves on a budget. The budgeting process can be dull at times, but it is the best tool to help you get on track and stay on track. Simply put, budgeting is keeping track of all income and expenses flowing through your hands. Once you have a handle on the income and expenses, it’s easy to see where the drain holes are.
For instance, maybe, like me, you eat out too much. Your budget will show you that. Or you’re still paying for a subscription service you thought you canceled months ago, like me. Once you’ve mastered the budget, it will be your best. I’ve learned to live like I’m wealthy without busting my budget.
Conclusion
I thought the end of my marriage was the end of me when it was the beginning of a beautiful life. You can recover financially after a divorce. It’s all in how you look at it. Begin by thinking with a clear mind, figuring out how to support yourself financially, assessing your support, and getting started with a budget. If I can do it, so can you.